020. The Collection Plate

Reckoning.

there are days when finding the words is the only way i can find my breath. this is to say, sometimes the writer writes, and the artist creates, in hopes that what is created will help to preserve our peace, our joy, our ground, and our light.

Often before choosing the words I write, I will go in search of their definition/s and meaning. When writing, not only am I writing for communication, clarity and comprehension, I am writing for feeling and in-sight. Sight, as in seeing, and seeing as in understanding. Sight and seeing however has, at present taken on new meaning as many, collectively, endeavor to close and cover eyes in effort to not see what we are seeing.

Often I find that the feeling of a word and the dictionary definition/s of a word are mismatched. In these instances, I will either redefine the word, or go in search of a word that meets the desired feeling.

Ọya, Yourba Orisha. Ọya is one of the five elemental forces that represent the sacred elements of earth, air, fire, water, and spirit. Ọya is portrayed as a powerful force of change and transformation.

The definition and feeling of the word “reckon” is one of these mismatched words. What I have understood it to mean and how it is defined, in the dictionary, don’t really go together. For the purposes of this Collection Plate, and for clarity, and comprehension, let us redefine it.

To reckon is to enter into a dance with tension until the dancers become more partners, than enemies; partners in resolution, by way of working through the tension, together, in relationship to, and with one another.

These last few months, years even, have been filled with reckoning, with myself, others, and with this world. A few weeks ago, during the Mindfulness Meditation class I take on Wednesday evenings, the feeling of reckoning came up for me and I thought about how reckoning, for me, has always served as a synonym for being at war. But, I do not want to be at war in and with this world, despite the fact the western world is constantly at war with others, and with itself. Instead, I want to be in relationship with this world.

When this relationship gets rocky, hectic, stormy, tumultuous, so begins this reckoning, this dance of tension filled resolution. This dance requires movement (vs. stagnation), patience, tenderness, sometimes rawness, honesty, truth telling, transparency, openness and the willingness to feel. And, this dance requires intimacy, and connection.

Connection.

Blackout Poetry by Jamal Robinson.

Sunday, May 27, 2024

Tonight I come to realize that for more days, and months, that I have allowed myself to acknowledge, or recognize, I have vacillated between emotions of stunned-nesss, awaken-ness, bewilderment, joy, grief, sorrow, gratitude, sadness, and anger. The sorrow, sadness, and anger have been furthered by those who tell me that the ongoing feeling of these emotions, on such a consistent basis, are not “healthy”.

My response most times is an unspoken, ‘No shit Sherlock.’ But what I really want to say is:

You know what’s really unhealthy, and troubling? APATHY.

(synonyms: indifference, unconcern, coldness, detachment, disregard, heedlessness, passiveness, stoicism, unresponsiveness)

For the past several months, I’ve been researching and reading about the psychology of psychopathy.

“Psychology is a neuropsychiatric disorder marked by deficient emotional responses, lack of empathy, and poor behavioral controls, commonly resulting in persistent antisocial deviance and criminal behavior.”

I am stunned, dismayed, bewildered, saddened and angered, rightfully so, by the levels, and depth, of apathy and psychopathy that exists amongst us.

---

The reality is that we can feel in multitudes; both-and-also.

Examples:

Both happiness and joy, also grief and sorrow.

Anger and outrage, also love and patience.

Caring and indignant, gracious and—also fiercely honest.

Our ability to hold multiples, at the same damn time, is a gift of heartfullness.

When we begin accepting the idea that to feel, and feel in multitudes, is “unhealthy” particularly when it comes to emotions of anger, sorrow and grief in response to abuse, rape, murder, homegrown terrorism, genocide (Congo, Palestine, Sudan), and any and all other heinous and violent actions like those currently taking place within us and around us, it shows that we have moved so far past being in trouble and have now reached a point where we are immersed and buried in it, and by it.

And, WE ARE IN IT.

Being citizens of the countries that orchestrate it, being tax payers whose dollars are funding it, being apathetic to the occurrences of it, puts us in it.

Word by Hala Alyan via IG post crafted by Paramatma Siri Sādhanā.

---

Gathering all the fixings, mains, and sides of this Collection Plate, I will close with these questions, because as stated here, “Deep contemplations, and tender considerations, are vital and necessary for the processing of these times.”

For Collective Consideration:

• Are we fine with being in unhealthy, abusive, toxic, violent and volatile relationship with the world, its leaders, citizens, and ourselves?

• If your response is ‘yes’, do you understand that the cost of this relationship will be your life? Your children’s life/lives? The life of each and every one of your family members, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, the friends and loved ones you haven’t even had the chance to meet, and love yet?

• If your response is ‘no’, what are you willing to do, to reckon so that we may enter, and be in healthy relationship with each other and with the world?

words by Saul Williams

‘This Here Flesh’ by Cole Arthur Riley.

---